Valleys

     Today has been fairly lovely. My mom graduated as an LPN today and I couldn't be more proud of her. I had a great rehearsal for our puppet skit on Sunday later in the afternoon. I even managed to memorize my lines - a huge accomplishment for me. I have always struggled with memorization; I used to despair when my music instructors wanted me to memorize pieces. Now, if I can manage to memorize lines for the week when I have more than five lines! :) After practice, I came home, made cabbage and sweet potato (It has no name, I made it up as a twist on another cabbage recipe. Nameless though it may be, it is delicious.) and turned on "Sherlock" on Netflix. I also tweeted my #28thanks, choosing to take a more serious route with today's thoughts, focusing on God's power enduring beyond my momentary feelings.

     Letting my feelings control me is a struggle for me. As you've probably inferred from my first post, I have some mental and emotional health issues. It's not something I talk about very much with very many people. Only a very few know the full story and for now I need it to stay that way. Someday, I want to be able to share my testimony and help others but for right now I still have too many moments where I need help and too many fears of judgement (which I have already experienced from within the church, unfortunately) to feel comfortable being transparent about my health. I'll get there. God will get me there. It's like Eli's "Valley Song."

    

     It's this rock that tells me

     That's what valleys are for

     It's from here that we measure 

     Just how far we must go

     

     I love this song. Eli is actually one of my favorite Christian artists. I'd encourage you to give his music a listen. For a whole now I think I've been in a long valley. I think this blog is a way, not necessarily to escape the valley but to chronicle the walk through the valley. I think a light is coming but I don't want to miss this. I can't appreciate it yet. Some things we have to walk through. Sometimes it's about pressing in and pressing through, touching the garment, wrestling with the Lord, coming face to face with the Divine in the moment of desperation. I don't think we can forget that moment. Did Jacob forget the moment when the Lord touched him? Doubtful. The woman who bled? Unlikely. It is in our darkest moments that we have the opportunity to find our true selves as well as the Lord's true nature. Love eternal. Glory in the midnight hour. Light in the darkness. The soft whisper in the storm. The arms of the Almighty encircling His beloved. Whatever your feelings on the Harry Potter series, take a minute to appreciate this quote: "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." That's what my #28thanks tweets are for; they're me, turning on the light. This blog is me grappling with the darkness. Not always, and not always so seriously, I hope, but I can't internalize my thoughts and feelings anymore. I've found my outlet and I think it's going to be good for me. Especially since outlets are used for plugging in lights.